In the beginning......

I am starting this blog as a form of "release"......I am a Sinner. There, I said it. I'm not what you would call a woman of religious origins nor am I truly an aetheist, but I do know right from wrong. I guess this blog is what happens when carnal cravings destroy all common sense and your ability to detect right from wrong. I take that back. As I just said, I do still know right from wrong, it's guilt that seems to be absent.

Don't get me wrong. I love my husband; although I question if I am still IN love with him. Yes, there is a difference. I left him for about three months and he wore me down, damn it. He was devastated and regardless of what you may think about me and my blatant disregard for one of the commandments, I have a very big heart and more often than not, I tend to put others needs and happiness ahead of mine. I didn't have the heart to break his; so I went home. When it all boils down, I have an immense sexual desire that cannot be ignored.

He is quite a bit older then I am and over the years, that difference in age has begun to take it's toll. I stayed faithful for about a year or longer when the sex quit. I eventually could not take it anymore and had to venture out.

A friend of mine happend to break my adulteress cherry. We had been friends for years and to my knowledge, he was happily married although I intimidated the hell out of his wife. I eventually learned why. I found that they were swingers and he apparently had a huge crush on me. He finally came out and told me how much he wanted to have sex with me. While I wasn't entirely attracted to him, I was so freaking horny, I could have hurt him. I took him up on his request to have me and it unleashed a flood of such strong passion, I had almost forgotten it was there. Afterall, I am a Scorpio and how I managed to go without for so long is beyond me.

That was just the beginning. From there I found a website for shall we say, "personals" and finally started to have some fun. I was still hesitant, but a few months after him, I eventually had what I consider to be my first "real" affair with a stranger. I still see him to this day and love every minute of him. Since him, I think I've lost track of how many guys I have been with....

I have always been in long-term relationships. At 16 I began dating a guy for about four years. When we split, I had a very brief single period and got involved with my husband. I feel like I never truly had my "good times" and I am making up for lost time now. A couple of friends know of my discretions, but otherwise, it is a double life I lead which adds to the excitement of it all. Those who did know, I have begun lying to and claiming that I am behaving.....

Not sure if it makes a difference, but I guess I'll also mention that I am a BBW. I am a plus size woman and if I dig deep enough, this may have some bearing on my sex drive. I am tall, have long blonde hair and from what I am told, beautiful eyes. I receive a lot of daily messages from men of all ages and races exclaiming how beautiful I am and asking for a chance to be with me....I have never really considered myself beautiful. I would agree I'm not ugly, but I think I still get amazed at the men I have been with. My first affair I mentioned a moment ago is so gorgeous...He is tall, sexy and has a great body. He is essentially a man I would never have imagined myself with, yet he always tells me how beautiful I am and for some reason, he loves my body. I don't, but as long as my "guys" do, then who am I to complain? So I could say, if I base my ego on the compliments I consistently receive, then I am one hot cookie. And I would be lying if I said the sexual relations I have didn't provide a needed boost to my ego and definitely perks my self esteem.

So again, I am starting this blog as a form of "release". You know how it is when you have a secret that you can't tell.....I'm great at keeping secrets, but some things are just too juicy not to tell. So let me tell you a secret.........